How to end a conversation on a high note.
Have you ever had these conversational experiences?
- You ask someone a question and as they struggle to answer (or give a non-answer) they let the conversation trail off with “I don’t know if that answered your question but ya…”.
- You respond to someone’s act of kindness with a genuine thank you! and they say: “Uh huh…”. Yes, they may smile but still, “Uh huh” is so bland.
We all know that it is important to make a great first impression when starting a conversation, whether it is the first time you are meeting, or someone you talk to regularly. It is equally, and some research says it is even more important, how you end a conversation. Yes, how you interact with them at the first impression stage will ‘get you in the door’―you like them, you are interested in what they have to say, and you easily start the conversation. But the lasting memory of your interaction is shaped by how a person felt at the most intense point (peak) and at the end of a conversation. In neuroscience it’s called the peak-end rule.
While people don’t usually evaluate a conversation from start to finish it’s important to create a dialogue versus a monologue, to maintain eye contact, to create little nudges by nodding, by saying “good point”, and to use their name in conversation. If you are the one wanting to share some information with the other person (or group) it is important to recognize the peak part of the conversation. This is what captures their attention or provides clarity. You have not buried the headline (your main point) in a bunch of extraneous data or minutiae.
Another bonus of using the peak-end rule is that it can create better outcomes in performance reviews, feedback situations, or difficult conversations where the ‘truth may hurt’. “Ending with positive statements creates better learning assessments. The peak-end rule is common in education settings and student feedback assessments. Students remember and react better to feedback if student assessment end with a positive statement. Students can then receive the assessment better and motivate themselves to achieve better learning outcomes from the evaluation.” ― The Decision Lab.
Here’s some ideas on how you can end a conversation on a positive note:
- Recap their thoughts ― it shows you were listening and what the person had to say was valuable
- Compliment their ideas
- Let them know you appreciate the time they have taken out of their busy day
- Tell them how enjoyable, useful or thought provoking the conversation was
- Or something shorter, “I loved our chat”, “It was very nice talking to you… (and use their name), “It was really nice meeting you.. (and use their name)
- The goal, no matter the circumstances, is that you want the other person to feel they have been heard, understood, and feel better because of their interaction with you. This is called the gift of emotional uplift.
So, whatever conversation you have, short or long, the ending is where you create that fond memory. There are two wins: an immediate positive feeling and a memory that lingers. As Tim Hartford says in his blog post, How the sense of an ending shapes memory, “try to end on a high”.
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Gayle Hallgren and Judy Thomson
Top of page photo by Austin Neill on Unsplash
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