“Meh” conversations and how to fix them.

Meh: slang for boring, uninterested, indifferent

This is what we have been thinking about: Why are conversations so one-sided?

It seems worse than ever. Here is the scenario: You meet someone who either you’ve never met before, or don’t know very well. You have a conversation with them and when it’s over you realize they never asked me one thing about myself. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

And you, on the other hand, have learned lots about them, things they were willing to share, and seemed happy to share. If anyone was observing this conversation from a distance, they’d think, “these are two highly engaged people!” 

Actually, it’s one engaged person, pulling the other person along in the conversation ― bringing the energy, the interest, and doing the work to try and establish some kind of rapport. If you are that engaged person, it’s a wee bit soul sucking and exhausting. But you do it, because history or experience has shown you that when you have a real conversation with another person, sometimes amazing things happen.

• It becomes the start of a beautiful friendship.
• They are just a really nice person and they make a wonderful addition to your network.
• It’s a great new person who adds value in your business world.
• It’s your new running buddy.
• You learned something useful you didn’t know.
• It is simply a nice way to spend some time with another human being.
• And Bonus Round! It’s someone who is going to be the love of your life. (That’s how it happens. It starts with a conversation.)

What has caused “Meh” conversations?

Good things come out of human connections, so what’s with this new phenomenon? Or were one-sided conversations always around? Can we blame it on the pandemic and those two and half years of isolation? Is it because we now interact with others by clicking a heart or a thumbs up icon? Has society just become conversationally mute, choosing to scroll through other people’s lives on Instagram, TikTok, and LinkedIn? Are we just getting used to being fed virtual conversations that come at us, without us doing anything?

We are not going to say we are the best conversationalists out there, but we are pretty good. Why do we think that?

• We are not afraid to start the conversation.
• We go ‘all in’ whether it’s a short or long conversation.
• We have a natural curiosity to learn about the other person.
• We ask questions, and more questions.
• We smile, we laugh, we make it fun if it’s one of those types of conversations.
• If it’s a more challenging conversation, we listen, we ask ourselves, “do they want our unsolicited advice”? Or do they simply want an empathetic listener.
• We do simple things to nudge a conversation along, maybe saying, “That’s really interesting” or “I never thought of it that way”.
• We use their name. “You make such a good point, Sasha.”
• We value conversation as the first way to make a human connection. 

There is one proviso to all of the above, we never go whole hog on a conversation when there is no escape ― such as on an airplane. In those circumstances we are careful to keep conversations short and polite, unless there is a mutual understanding that both parties want to continue. We always have our earbuds or headphone at the ready when we want to close the conversation.

Which one are you?

If you think you might be the “meh” person when you meet someone, use these below tips. 

• Take the leap and start the conversation.
• Commit to it. Be 100% engaged, curious and focused! Bring energy to the conversation.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Research shows that people actually like you more when you ask questions, particularly follow-up questions.
• If it’s a more challenging conversation, get into listening mode. Before you offer unsolicited advice, consider that they may just want a sympathetic ear.
• Make the other person feel good about the things they are saying. Nudge the conversation with positive comments, “That’s really interesting, Jaz”, “I love that perspective, Sasha!”
• Appreciate that ‘feel good moment’ of making a human connection. 

Hey, only extroverts can do this!

Look at the list again. There is nothing hard there. It just takes a genuine interest in learning about the other person. Hopefully they will want to learn about you.

Conversations can really catch fire if both people get involved.

Are you looking for more information on communication?

If so, please sign up for our free weekly Positive Networking® Tip.  So many of our tips are on communication because that’s how people connect.

Gayle Hallgren and Judy Thomson

Note: Gayle Hallgren and Judy Thomson of Shepa Learning Company write these blog posts, not AI Chat. 

^{Please note: As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases.}